Whether it was in high school, college, or adulthood, at some point, we have all had that friend who keeps being mistreated by the same person they love over and over again—yet never leaves. Or maybe, we’ve been that friend at one point.

Why We Judge Our Friends

It’s hard not to withhold judgment from a friend who makes questionable life decisions, especially when those decisions involve the people they are romantically involved with. The friendship can feel burdensome, with every conversation seeming to be about their relationship issues. You can’t help but wonder: “If the relationship is so bad, why doesn’t my friend just leave?”

We want the best for our friends; we want them to be loved as deeply by the people they choose to date and love. But it isn’t always up to us for our friends to have the confidence and self-worth they need in order to know that they deserve better than the person they’re struggling with. 

When a friend or family member is in love with someone who treats them poorly, they can be so infatuated that they become immersed in denial. They can’t let go of the relationship because they can’t come to terms with the fact that the love they have poured into their partner will never be fully reciprocated. 

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Are Your Friends Too Judgmental?

We tell our friends about our lives because we want to connect and bond over shared experiences. We also want advice when we have difficult questions about our own lives and are at a loss for answers.

But what happens if our friends give us advice that is shrouded in judgment? 

“I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” — Brené Brown.

Divorce is no longer the taboo it once was, but some people still experience judgment from their friends and family for choosing to end their marriage. It doesn’t help that the complexities of the divorce process can strain relationships even among those outside of the marriage—friends, relatives, and children can often feel pressured to take sides. 

In Orange County, couples are seeking divorce mediation instead of litigation because it is usually more cost-effective and efficient. While divorce can pull people apart more than it brings people together, Colleen McNamee of McNamee Mediations is a certified divorce mediator who is so effective at facilitating communication between both parties that some of her clients have reconciled! Colleen McNamee is even known as the “divorce whisperer”.  

The goal of a divorce mediator is to help both parties settle on the best mutual outcome. Most importantly, a mediator is a neutral third party who won’t cast judgment and won’t take sides. You can give McNamee Mediations a call today.

McNamee Mediations
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660