The Mental Health Impact of Infidelity

There have been plenty of people who have been blindsided by a breakup or divorce—but no one expects it to happen to them.

The painful truth is that your partner’s seemingly sudden desire to end your relationship was likely not a sudden decision. Their discontent had likely been brewing underneath the surface, and you only became aware of the truth when it could no longer be concealed. When a partner has committed romantic or financial infidelity, only to reveal their deception in the midst of ending your relationship, the separation is all the more painful.

Humans are cognitively wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. It goes along with our natural tendencies to avoid the uncomfortable truth while distracting ourselves with ignorant bliss.

It’s hard not to ask “why?” after you have been lied to or cheated on. While a reasonable question, the problem with that question is that the answers may not give you the peace you seek.

People lie and cheat in happy and loving relationships because they may need something or someone else to fulfill their needs. But those needs are often derived from personality traits and childhood trauma and have little to nothing to do with the relationship. People who have low self-esteem are likely to cheat because they crave the validation of secretly having multiple partners.

Infidelity has been shown to have negative mental health consequences, including posttraumatic stress symptoms, depression, and anxiety. A scientific analysis “revealed that attributing causality and responsibility to the cheating partner was associated with greater infidelity-related stress.” The analysis also found that high self-esteem was linked to one’s ability to manage the stress of infidelity. “For those with high self-esteem, the effects of negative appraisals on infidelity-related stress, as well as infidelity-related stress on both depression and anxiety, were dampened.”

The root cause of infidelity’s emotional aftermath is complex, spanning social, cultural, and evolutionary reasons, such as seeing the infidelity as a violation in relationship ideals, feeling a sense of loss in time invested in the relationship, societal norms and sanctions, and evolutionary and reproductive costs (Gordon & Baucom, 1999; Shackelford et al., 2000) — Coping with infidelity: The moderating role of self-esteem, Rosie Shrout, Daniel J. Weigel

It is important to understand the mental health consequences of infidelity. Allow yourself to introspect and feel the betrayal, anger, and grief, but avoid the pitfall of blaming yourself entirely for your partner’s unfaithfulness.

Life does not end when a relationship ends. It may, however, mean the end of your marriage. And while divorce may be painful, the process of legal separation does not have to be, especially when facilitated by an expert Orange County Divorce Mediator. Mediation allows couples to divorce on their own mutual terms, which can often be less complicated, less expensive, and more efficient than what happens in divorce court proceedings.

Read Eddie M.‘s review of McNamee Mediations on Yelp

Divorce is almost never a breeze, but mediation can feel like one in contrast to litigation. You can give McNamee Mediations a call today.

McNamee Mediations
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660

When Friends Judge You And Your Relationship

Posted by: Heidi West Posted on: February 14, 2022 divorce law mediation , Divorce mediation , divorce mediation orange county , family law mediation

Whether it was in high school, college, or adulthood, at some point, we have all had that friend who keeps being mistreated by the same person they love over and over again—yet never leaves. Or maybe, we’ve been that friend at one point.

Why We Judge Our Friends

It’s hard not to withhold judgment from a friend who makes questionable life decisions, especially when those decisions involve the people they are romantically involved with. The friendship can feel burdensome, with every conversation seeming to be about their relationship issues. You can’t help but wonder: “If the relationship is so bad, why doesn’t my friend just leave?”

We want the best for our friends; we want them to be loved as deeply by the people they choose to date and love. But it isn’t always up to us for our friends to have the confidence and self-worth they need in order to know that they deserve better than the person they’re struggling with.

When a friend or family member is in love with someone who treats them poorly, they can be so infatuated that they become immersed in denial. They can’t let go of the relationship because they can’t come to terms with the fact that the love they have poured into their partner will never be fully reciprocated.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Are Your Friends Too Judgmental?

We tell our friends about our lives because we want to connect and bond over shared experiences. We also want advice when we have difficult questions about our own lives and are at a loss for answers.

But what happens if our friends give us advice that is shrouded in judgment?

“I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” — Brené Brown.

Divorce is no longer the taboo it once was, but some people still experience judgment from their friends and family for choosing to end their marriage. It doesn’t help that the complexities of the divorce process can strain relationships even among those outside of the marriage—friends, relatives, and children can often feel pressured to take sides.

In Orange County, couples are seeking divorce mediation instead of litigation because it is usually more cost-effective and efficient. While divorce can pull people apart more than it brings people together, Colleen McNamee of McNamee Mediations is a certified divorce mediator who is so effective at facilitating communication between both parties that some of her clients have reconciled! Colleen McNamee is even known as the “divorce whisperer”.

The goal of a divorce mediator is to help both parties settle on the best mutual outcome. Most importantly, a mediator is a neutral third party who won’t cast judgment and won’t take sides. You can give McNamee Mediations a call today.

McNamee Mediations
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660

Mediation Can Ease The Stress of Divorce For Families

Posted by: Heidi West Posted on: June 7, 2021 divorce , divorce law , Divorce mediation , family , family law , family mediation , mediation , mediation expert , mediation law , mediator

Divorce can happen for various reasons, most commonly of which are infidelity and financial stress. The American Psychological Association has reported on the relationship between stress and divorce.

Various challenges arise when a family experiences a breakdown, due to the separation of the couple. Once a couple wishes to separate, certain issues may arise, such as custody and division of assets. The process of divorce can be extremely challenging, both physically as well as mentally. Despite all of its challenges, spouses must often maintain a healthy relationship for the sake of their children, even though they may be consumed by heartbreak and rage, harboring negative feelings towards their former spouse. Parents must control their negative feelings about their former spouse to provide their children with a safe space for their development and upbringing. Some parents seek counsel on maintaining a healthy post-divorce relationship for the psychological well-being of the child. Moreover, parents will try their best to put their differences aside, being respectful towards each other, so as to try not to interfere with the child’s relationship with the other parent.

Co-parenting after divorce

Co-parenting is the practice of collaboration and cooperation between divorced parents for the sake of the children’s well-being. In co-parenting, parties must be respectful towards one another and practice maturity and poise towards their former partner’s new partner. Parents need to support communication between their child and ex-spouse if ongoing access to both parents is what has been deemed to be in the best interest of the child. Parents should not speak negatively about the former spouse in the presence of the child, or pressure the children to pick sides. Children should be reassured that though their parents are no longer married or romantically involved, they still share a certain amount of love and respect for each other. Parents should be honest with each other and their children. Lastly, if equal custody arrangements have been made, both parents should actively participate in decision-making so that the child feels that they are part of the same family.

Photo by Ivan Samkov from Pexels

Mediation can ease the stress of divorce for both parents and children

Healthy interaction with your ex-spouse is very much needed for the well-being of the child. Mediation is very much helpful for separating spouses with children. Mediation is a process that involves a divorcing couple trying to negotiate in mutual agreement with the help of a neutral mediator. A simple search of “divorce mediator near me” can save you a great deal of time and energy. A certified divorce mediator will guide the separating couple and provide them with solutions. Planning out everything in the presence of the mediator is less stressful than courtroom scenes. Divorce mediation is all about cooperation to reach a common goal.

Read Andrea P.‘s review of McNamee Mediations on Yelp

Meditation helps in keeping your children’s best interests in mind. It is best to reach a mutual agreement regarding the child’s custody in a manner that follows the best interests of the child. Unfortunately, this does not always happen in litigation, as fighting in the courtroom can lead to settlements that are ultimately decided upon by the judge. Traditional divorce litigation involves court proceedings such as testifying in front of the judge, which may be stressful for everyone involved. For couples with children seeking a divorce, divorce mediation may be the best way to reach swift agreements and custody arrangements.

The Best In Mediation

Posted by: Patrick Donovan Posted on: November 16, 2020 Cambridge Who's Who , Divorce mediation , family and divorce law , mediation , orange county

Mediation represents the second path couples seeking to legally end their marriage can take and is widely considered to be the preferable option. When an independent third party can mediate the dispute, it removes the incentives for both parties to destroy any semblance of normalcy and amicability in the relationship so that they can come out on top once the divorce is finalized.
In Orange County, a mediation firm has recently been recognized as being a cut above the rest for the quality of their service. McNamee Mediations, the mediation and family law firm headed by Colleen McNamee, has been recognized by Cambridge Who’s Who Registry, which promotes a select few chosen for their accomplishments and achievements.
Colleen was selected for her abilities as a mediator through her 14 years in Family Law practice and her 9+ years as a Family Law Mediation Specialist, all of which have been spent running her own firm. She has seen the successful conclusion of many high-end divorce and paternity cases, where clients are guided through property, custody, child and spousal support, and modifications of existing judgments.

The firm has successfully navigated the turbulent waters of Family Law for almost a decade, and as a result has garnered many ardent supporters in the ranks of her previous and current clients. A quick perusal through her Yelp reviews reveals how high these clients hold in her regard:

Colleen McNamee is the absolute best[!!] When we started out on our journey of going through a divorce, I felt overwhelmed from every direction and had no idea where to begin or what to expect. I’ve heard all the horror stories of things turning ugly and costs rising as the process drags on and on. BUT, I am SO thankful we went with Colleen!! She made the whole process clear, concise, & cost effective. She helped us communicate peacefully and reach an agreement that worked for both parties. She is very professional and yet the kindest human being! [Thank you Colleen from the bottom of my heart for everything!!] (Jess B., Yelp Review)

Read Andrea P.‘s review of McNamee Mediations on Yelp

As much as I wish I didn’t have to write a review for these services… Colleen has been nothing short of a miracle worker. I have been going through a painful and messy divorce but I am so thankful for Colleen’s understanding, kind nature and expertise to make a difficult situation at least tolerable. She is completely fair and I appreciate that she will call me out when I’m being unreasonable and can get me to look at things from another perspective while also feeling like she’s on my side. I had doubts that we could come to any agreement without having to go through lawyers and an ugly court battle but she was able to do just that. I highly recommend her services – don’t go anywhere else! (Christina C., Yelp Review)

If you are in need of a Family Law firm that specializes in not only mediating a more amicable split, but in settling even the most complex and intricate legal disputes between parties, give Colleen a call. Both Cambridge and her previous clients have recognized her abilities, so the decision can only be a good one:
McNamee Mediations
+19492233836
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660